Losing Access…DAMN.

I can’t seem to break through to the women in Koinonia. When I do, I feel that I am invading the culture. They are always hesitant to talk to me. Every time I start a conversation with a female member, I feel the eyes of male members watching my every move.

I’m having a hard time getting access into the club (i.e. meetings, Course 101, scheduling interviews, getting to know the women members). One of my group members informed me that a Koinonia member was not happy that I was scheduling interviews with other members. Ironically, a lot of people I am supposed to interview have recently bailed out. As I mentioned last week, I was actually kicked out of a Koinonia class. And the week before, I was asked to leave a bible study group.

Is this because they don’t want external exposure? If Koinonia stands for fellowship and communion, how come I sometimes feel excluded and not wanted? Although this club is open and welcoming, an exclusive inner club definitely seems to exists.

Maybe this is a consequence for not truthfully revealing my reason for coming there.

Maybe I am a strong Black Male who challenges their power structure.

Maybe I simply am not felt “in the hood” because I’m not there enough.

But I am losing access. I can feel it … DAMN.

I feel excluded, as if I am not all the way included in the Koinonia circle. Pic available here
I can’t seem to break through to female Koinonia members. Pic available here
This album has been on repeat today. I feel like it relates to my experience with Koinonia because, like kendrick, I feel alone. Like an outcast. Pic available here

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